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Polarity Responders: Contrary To All Belief
We've all had to deal with a polarity responder at one time or another. . . someone who regardless of the situation, has to respond in opposition to everything. 'It's a beautiful day.'
We’ve all had to deal with a polarity responder at one time or another. . . someone who regardless of the situation, has to respond in opposition to everything. ‘It’s a beautiful day.’
Polarity responder: ‘It’s too hot. And there isn’t enough shade.’
They’re easy to spot. And, to me, incredibly fun to deal with. I love it when I find polarity responders. I relax when I hear it because I think to myself, they’re toast. They’re mine. I simply give them something to respond to that’s to my advantage.
The next time you’re eliciting criteria, look for the words ‘different’ or ‘difference’. Polarity responders will use these often. They are incredibly ‘difference’ oriented, as in they will always see things the opposite of you in most or all matters.
If you have a disruptive employee or teenager or client who is a polarity responder, try this: ‘Would you do me a favor?’ PR: ‘Sure. What can I do for you?’
’Only if you want to, you don’t have to.’
PR: ‘No. What is it? What is it?’
’Okay, what I wanted to ask you is, would you listen closely to what’s going on and if you hear that I’ve ever said something that isn’t quite in keeping with what you think should be going on here, would you bring it to my attention right away?’
PR: ‘Oh, well, of course. But what you’re saying is great. After all, you really know what you’re talking about.’
’Well, I know, but I know you’re going to find something so I want you just to bring it to my attention.’
Now this polarity responder is caught in a trap. If they bring it to your attention, they’ve done what you’ve asked. If they don’t bring it to your attention then they haven’t done their polarity. So either way you win. This keeps them from going into their polarity response. They can sit back and sort of enjoy. They’re trying to listen really closely to what’s going on so that they may come with one or two things for you.
PR: ‘Well, you know, you said this and I was curious why.’
’Well, that’s really important. I knew there was no way you couldn’t bring that up so I’m really glad you did.’
Well now, are they going to bring up the next thing? No. Because they’re going to fear that you’re going to say, ‘I knew you were going to bring that up too’ and that pisses them off. They can’t stay in their polarity response so they just go forget it.
The key to persuasion is utilizing patterns to your advantage. This is a really easy one to counteract. In this situation, my intention is to diffuse their pattern so it doesn’t obstruct anyone else either.