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Parenting Advice: Getting Children To Sleep
We can't get a good sleep until we are relaxed. A few things must happen before we get there. We need to feel secure and safe. Any kind of tension, such as abuse, parents arguing, financial problems, trouble with the neighbors, or problems with school or friends, will make it harder for any child to go to sleep.
We can’t get a good sleep until we are relaxed. A few things must happen before we get there. We need to feel secure and safe. Any kind of tension, such as abuse, parents arguing, financial problems, trouble with the neighbors, or problems with school or friends, will make it harder for any child to go to sleep.
It’s also important to feel secure and safe in our own beds. There are children with sensory integration problems. This might manifest as touch sensitivity, proprioception, which means body positions sense, or gravitational insecurity might make lying on a high bed frightening. Sometimes covering the child with heavy blankest helps them to feel grounded.
To sleep, we then need to turn our minds off the business of the day, shut out the distractions of the environment and slow down our heart rate and metabolism. As we drift into sleep, not only does the body slow down, so too does the brain. Brain waves, which are often running along at 14 Hertz (cycles per second) or more during the day, will slow down first to an “alpha” rhythm (around 10 Hz) and then gradually right down to the deep sleep of a “delta” rhythm (4-7 Hz).
Setting up the environment in the right way can go a long way toward helping us relax. So will keeping to a regular routine. The body gets used to it and knows when it’s time to slow down and get ready to sleep. Here are a few ideas:
Some ways to help sleep come more easily, are keeping to a set routine and creating a comfortable environment. Following these suggestions help our bodies pick up signals letting it know that it’s time to slow down and go to sleep. Here are some helpful ideas for getting there:
A bedtime story. This helps to push out the anxieties of the day, whilst also giving the child some special one-to-one attention. The child feels loved and valued, and therefore safe and secure. This can be followed by a recorded tape story, to which the child can listen with eyes closed and in a darkened room. But pick a story that is calming, not frightening!
Soft, relaxing music is good. We can’t close our ears against the noises from our environment. These can easily wake us up and heighten our stress. Especially disturbing are barking dogs, howling foxes or heavy lorries driving by. At least we can modify the sounds. Make the room as quiet as you can by using heavy curtains, double glazed windows, and close all the doors.
We can also play sounds that will help cover the disturbing noises and help us relax. White noise is good for drowning out the lorries and dogs. Turning on a fan or humidifier will produce that. A quiet radio in the background can also be good. You must be careful as these sounds can actually be more arousing and stressful than relaxing. This is due to the pitch and the beat. The higher frequencies energize us and the lower ones help us to relax. White noise and most radio music is high frequency. Having a cheap system with a poor bass response only makes it worse. Most popular music has a faster beat, and we like to keep time with the catchy beat. We call this “entertainment” and say that our bodies like to align with the rhythms surrounding us. Unfortunately, our heart rates mirror this behavior, and listening to a fast beat will speed it up. If we choose slow, quiet music, it will slow down.
For sleep, we need to listen to low pitched sounds with a slow rhythm. We should try for a beat of 50 to 60 Hz, the rate or our resting hearts. Where do we find these sounds? Some classical music and some nature sounds qualify. I recommend recordings made specially for relaxation. Some of the best are made by Steven Halpern. The Sound Health Series CDs, called “Relax” and “De-Stress” are great. Play them quietly as background noise to drown out the dogs and to create a peaceful environment in the child’s bedroom. If he wakes often during the night, consider playing continuous-play CD.
Our bodies are also greatly affected by light and colour. Supermarkets and football teams are well aware of this. The stores use blue/green tinted bulbs in their produce sections to make the vegetables appear greener and fresher. They use red tinged lights at the meat counters. They use these techniques subtly but effectively. They also are particular when designing product packaging, so that you will be stimulated to buy. They keep the lights bright and the “muzak” playing. They do this so you will feel happy and right at home, causing you to stay longer and spend more. Think about this in relation to some of the dingier shops, and you will understand their strategy. Sometimes football clubs will paint the home team changing rooms in red, to spur the players to action; and the visiting team’s room blue, which is calming.
Muted tones of blue, green and pink are often used in bedrooms. Blue is serene, green for harmony and peace, and pink is all warmth and coziness. Be careful of the blues and greens though, as they can make an atmosphere feel cold. Bright reds and yellows will fire us up and make it hard to sleep. Even though these effects are subtle and unconscious, they are very real.
Think about the colour spectrum. Blue is meant for us to feel serene, green harmonious and peaceful, while pink signals warmth and feeling cozy. These quiet colours are perfect for bedrooms. Be careful with the blues and greens however, as they can also feel cold. Using yellows, reds and other lively colours in a bedroom, isn’t a good idea. Even though the effects are subtle, they may get our blood flowing and keep us from sleep. These effects are usually subconscious but that doesn’t make them any less real.
There is one other feature of natural flames that makes it so relaxing - it flickers. Typically, in fact, if flickers at a rate of about 6-7 Hz. The brain tends to entrain to this frequency, which produces the very relaxed state of “theta wave” activity.
Natural flames are so relaxing because they flicker. The typical rate is 6-7 Hz. The brain responds to this frequency by relaxing into “theta wave” mode.
Aroma. Smell is, in fact, the most primitive and basic of our senses. How often have you had a brief whiff of some smell that has brought certain memories and emotions to come flooding back? Smells affect our emotional state, and the right smells can help us to sleep. Recommended for sleep are the essential oils of mandarin, chamomile roman, lavender and palma rosa. For children over five, neroli, geranium and nutmeg can be added to the list. These oils can be combined, with a mixture of mandarin, chamomile and palma rosa, and also of chamomile, geranium and nutmeg being particularly effective. The oils can be put in bath water, rubbed on the skin with massage oil, or put in the water of the humidifier. Once again, moderation is the key. It is subtlety that we are looking for, not an overpowering smell.
Humidity and fresh air. In the winters we tend to have the windows closed, and the heating on. The closed window cuts out the outside noises, but also cuts out the fresh air. Furthermore, the heating dries out the air, which in turn dries out our nasal passages. Stuffy air and uncomfortable noses are a common cause of poor sleep and wakening in the late parts of the night. Opening the window a crack may help.
The humidity can be improved in three ways. One is to simply turn the heating down, and compensate with more blankets ( which may help the child to “feel grounded“). The other is to add some moisture to the air. This can be down with a humidifier (which may also produce some background white noise), or simply by draping a wet flannel over the radiator. Put a couple of drops of essential oil in the water or on the flannel, and you will also provide a gentle aroma in the room.
Waking during the night. It is normal to wake or almost wake several times during the night. The trick is to get back to sleep again. All of the above will increase the chances of this. Along with this it is important not to reinforce a behaviour pattern of waking up during the night by giving it a lot of attention. Infants and young children especially will often cry or make other noises when they wake. Do not immediately rush in to comfort them - this will only wake them up more, and reinforce the pattern of waking in the night. If you leave them alone, most will gradually settle and go back to sleep by themselves. Initially this may take some time, as they are used to getting your attention, but gradually, if you stay firm, this period of time will get shorter.
There must be millions of ways to help your child sleep. Experiment until you find what works best in your home. What about you, the parent? How often are you exhausted and long for sleep? Do you find yourself wishing for a nap before the kids come home? You might be stuck in a nineteenth century myth about sleep. Look at this website to find out some things about sleep that will amaze you, and change your life.
I wish you peaceful nights and happy dreams.