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A Mile In Their Shoes
We've all heard the old saying, 'You can't know someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes.' To add to the other 'energy' techniques I've written about in previous articles, I'd like to tell you about a great rapport builder of jumping into someone else's skin and walking a mile in their shoes. In "To Kill a Mockingbird" Harper Lee wrote, "You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view...until you climb into his skin and walk around in it."
We’ve all heard the old saying, ‘You can’t know someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.’ To add to the other ‘energy’ techniques I’ve written about in previous articles, I’d like to tell you about a great rapport builder of jumping into someone else’s skin and walking a mile in their shoes. In “To Kill a Mockingbird” Harper Lee wrote, “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view...until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.”
When we climb into the skin of our prospects, we can experience their decision making, their affluence, or simply their emotional states.
When we consciously decide to “step inside” our prospects or clients or other than conscious minds make up patterns and make connections on our behalf. We are goal seeking mechanisms and the goal here is to be able to formulate what we are going to experience.
How are we going to do this? The way I do it is I just look at you and jump in. I imagine in my mind that I am now you looking at me. It’s that simple. When I look at you, my unconscious, knowing that I’m going to step inside you, can very quickly build a pattern of who and what you are, such that when I step inside you, it already has constructed what’s going to happen. Once I’m inside you, I’m modeling you, or mirroring you so completely and so powerfully that the results can be startling both for you and for the person that this is being done with.
It sounds weird. I’ll agree with that. But guess what? It doesn’t matter. No one else knows that I’m doing it as I’m doing it, and it doesn’t detract from my presentation, it simply creates a more cohesive rapport. It’s absolutely possible that this is all in my head (in fact, it is obviously all in my head), but the results are undeniably powerful.
Another option, one that I’ve had students tell me about, is building a picture the person you’re ‘becoming’, then you turn around so you’re facing the same way I am and just step in. This can be thought of as mirroring.
Part of gaining instant and powerful rapport is gaining the trust of your prospect. When we’re working with the affluent, it is probably that we are working with people who are wealthier than we are. As we assume the affluent mindset, this creates more of the trust and rapport that we are seeking.
This technique works if you spend a lot of your day on the phone as well. Maybe you have no idea what your prospects look like, well, it’s enough to have their voice. You can do this kind of mirroring with just their voice. Voices have characteristics and patterns that your unconscious mind recognizes.
If we assume there is a finite number of patterns, then we can base those patterns on different systems of classification (astrology, for example). With these systems, we narrow the number of possible combinations.
Humans are infinite obviously. However, isn’t it interesting to know that your other than conscious, in its vast experience of dealing with all the people it has dealt with, has come across most all of the major patterns and major characteristics of the people that you’re dealing with? It knows what that other person can be like, can build a pattern and you can step right in, even if you’re just on the phone.
This is a construct. We are constructing an image. Will it be accurate? Not exactly, but that’s okay, because if we’re in front of them, and we’re hearing them and we’re seeing them, and if they’re moving, we keep changing our construct until it’s identical to what they are, so for every minute, every second that goes by, ours gets better, and more complete and more powerful, and we’re locking right in to that person.
Here are a few things to ask yourself once you’ve stepped into their skin: What are their physical characteristics? How does it feel to have those characteristics? Notice when you step into the other person, where you feel the connection to them. Do you feel the connection in your stomach, in your feet, in your hands, in your chest, in your head? Where do you feel the connection? By asking yourself these questions you’ll deepen the rapport.
Before trying this, here’s something to keep in mind: if the person’s sick, if they have something considerably wrong with them, if you know that they’re not a particularly good person or they are someone you just don’t like, you might not choose to use this level of rapport, because you may not be able to shake it all the way off.
This exercise, even if you’re not particularly in touch with energy, can still be used effectively.