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Persuading Kinesthetically: Touchy Feely
In a previous article, I gave an overview of VAK (recap: these are the visual, auditory and kinesthetic representational systems) and it's use in persuasion and gaining rapport. I also went into more detail about the 'V' (visual) in VAK in another article and obviously, with a title like having to do with touchy feely, I've moved on to the 'K' part, kinesthetic.
In a previous article, I gave an overview of VAK (recap: these are the visual, auditory and kinesthetic representational systems) and it’s use in persuasion and gaining rapport. I also went into more detail about the ‘V’ (visual) in VAK in another article and obviously, with a title like having to do with touchy feely, I’ve moved on to the ‘K’ part, kinesthetic.
To gain rapport we have to learn how people construct and make their reality. And we have to learn how they interact with that reality. For kinesthetic oriented people, that interaction is through touch and feel.
You’ll know you’re talking to a kinesthetic person if they grasp for how they want to say things. They may physically mirror your movements, oftentimes and unconsciously, mirroring and matching your movements. Kinesthetic people are the easiest to mirror as well, (at least physically) because they will want to nod their heads as you nod yours. Their hands are important as they may speak with them, and may also rub their own hands or legss or arms as they speak to you.
A perfect example, and the epitome of kinesthesia, is Bill Clinton’s famous, “I feel your pain” quote, made more notorious by his predilections.
If a visual person speaks pretty quick and they’re zipping right along and an auditory person speaks a little slower and sometimes in a very sing-songy voice or in a flat monotone that you can easily detect they’re doing, then a kinesthetic person, in contrast, often speaks much slower and they struggle for the next thought.
Some really obvious kinesthetic words can be either tactile, as in the sense of feeling hot, cold, firm, vibrating, soft or feeling in an emotional sense—joy, anger, excitement.
Another way to determine if someone is kinesthetic is to notice how close they are to you. If they can reach out and touch you, odds are, they’re kinesthetic. They love to be hugged, don’t ever shirk away from physical touch, and have no problem with you being in their space because they’re not creating pictures like visually oriented people are.
One of the biggest ways I can determine this orientation is for the way. . . they might. . . . . struggle. . . for their words.
In contrast to visual people who look up, and auditory people look side-to-side or level, kinesthetic oriented people will look down, in general.
Along these lines, but as sort of a side note, I read a story online not too long ago about a junior high school student in Virginia who had been cited for two infractions by his school for hugging a friend. Why? His school has a ‘no physical contact’ policy. This includes no handshakes, no high fives, no pats on the back, no hand holding-no touching of any sort.
My initial thought was, wow, that’s really strange. Then I thought of the kinesthetic kids who might be going to that school and what a disservice is being done to them. I mean, I understand the need for clear boundaries, but no physical contact whatsoever between friends? Seems like a dangerous road to travel down.
Coming soon: Auditory Adventures.