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Peeve Number One: The Victim Mentality
"Thou shalt not be a victim. Thou shalt not be a perpetrator. Above all, thou shalt not be a bystander." --Holocaust Museum, Washington, DC
“Thou shalt not be a victim. Thou shalt not be a perpetrator. Above all, thou shalt not be a bystander.” --Holocaust Museum, Washington, DC
“Neither a borrower nor a lender be.” -The Bible
“Neither a victim nor a perpetrator be.” -Kenrick Cleveland
You know what bugs me? The victim mentality. If you’ve ever been in one of my classes or seminars, you’ve likely heard me go on a mini rant about it.
I decided to do a little research on this victim mentality and found an insane amount of resources out there for people who feel like victims—books, workshops, online classes, articles—all to coach people how not to be victims.
How did we get to this point? How did it become almost fashionable to be victimized?
It seems like there are certain groups of people that choose victimization over empowerment. A lot of groups like to talk about how their forefathers were bound in slavery or they came from countries of poor economic progress and they absolutely have to be here to have any kind of hope in their lives or all kinds of things along those lines, and I’m not trying to be difficult with any group because we, as individuals, all need to help ourselves and the groups that we identify with to whatever degree we think is right. A couple of years ago Bill Cosby was lambasted for having something to say on the subject of victimization when he made a speech at the 50th anniversary of the Brown v. Board of Education Supreme Court decision ‘separate but equal’ schools basically telling the black community to get its shit together and claiming “the lower economic people are not holding up their end in this deal.”
This controversial speech was argued about in days that followed. On one hand, many people considered his words to ring true and claimed he was expressing tough love to his community. The other side believed that this privileged, rich, successful, prominent man was adopting “the white man’s language” in describing his former community. The truth probably lies somewhere in the middle. I do believe a hand up is important as long as that hand up is taken advantage of.
There’s also a point where people need to really get out of the negative cycles that have held them back. This is all people here, not just one ethnic group.
The minute we play a victim what we’re really saying is that we have no way to change our lives. If we agree we’ve been victimized, then we’re basically saying our destiny is outside of our own hands and the minute we come from that mindset then what we’re trying to do is get the world to be responsible for us and that’s not going to happen.
When we choose self control and dominion over victimhood, we open ourselves to many options previously unavailable to us.
I’d consider this to be a bit of self persuasion. We can decide that our thoughts matter and our lives matter.