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Life After Divorce - How To Know You're Ready To Remarry
After a divorce, taking the plunge to remarry can be a scary endeavor. Read on to learn some of the best ways to tell that both you and your partner are ready.
I get asked this more frequently than any other question. It makes sense. Divorce hurts. I don’t think anyone who’s been divorced thinks, “Well that was fun! I want to get married again so I can do that!” No. People are leery and want to feel more secure in the safety of this decision to remarry.
Marriage is a lifetime commitment and the decision to enter into it should be taken very seriously. The last thing you want to do is rely on emotions only.
There are 3 main criteria areas I usually go over with my clients when we reach this question. Let’s look at these together today.
1. How do your children seem to feel about the idea of your remarriage?
A wise saying to remember is “First marriages usually stay together for the sake of the children. Remarriages usually end because of the children.” If you’ve rushed too quickly into a relationship, your kids may still be reeling from the divorce.
I’m not saying your kids have to love your new partner or don’t marry. But what I am saying is that the kids are a part of this new marriage too. They will have an incredibly effective way of damaging this marriage if you don’t work to develop that relationship between your your children and new partner BEFORE the wedding.
2. How much have you learned about step family dynamics?
Step families are different than nuclear families. The honest truth is that they are a lot harder! If you try to force your step family to be like your nuclear family it will make everyone frustrated. Everyone will want to pull their hair out because it just won’t work.
3. How well have I dealt with the ending of my previous marriage?
A lot of people are really uncomfortable with the idea of being alone. If you throw the label “divorced” in the mix, then things really become uncomfortable. In an attempt to wiggle out of that discomfort, many people rush into the first relationship that presents itself. BIG MISTAKE!
You need some time to be alone. You need to be comfortable with it and you need to create a life as a single person. Then and only then are you able to make a choice about a new partner rather than a leap into someone’s (anyone’s) arms.
In case you missed it, the common thread through all 3 of these questions is TIME. You can’t honestly expect to accomplish any of these tasks if enough time hasn’t passed. There needs to have been time in between the divorce and this new relationship and then more time between the creation of this relationship and the wedding. If you find yourself or your partner rushing the “I Do’s”, you need to question why that is.