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When Not Being "Enough" Was The Cause Of Your Divorce
When you're going through a divorce, we frequently experience our ex being defensive about his/her role in the divorce, when he or she might well have been the one who cheated! Let's be sure we don't assume blame that isn't ours to bear.
What was the reason for your divorce? Lies, abuse, not in love any more, or my personal favorite, adultery? I’ll bet a dollar to your dime, if you’re reading this article, it was because of my personal favorite. Am I right? Oh, adultery is a bugaboo; it leaves you with horrid feelings. But wait! There’s good news behind this horror. It wasn’t your fault they cheated. It was their fault. They really need to work on their life at lot more than you do.
If your spouse was caught cheating, chances are he was defensive about it. There may have been an apology, but there always seems to be rationale for the cheating. Individuals who are not faithful frequently are very selfish and self-centered. Oh, I’m quite confident they think they have great reasons why it’s not their fault, and why it’s yours. You weren’t around enough. You weren’t affectionate enough. You didn’t give them sex enough. No matter what reason they provide, they can’t make you think they never had a choice because they did. You weren’t doing something that they wanted you to do, so it gave them permission to cheat. Well that is absolutely incorrect.
While I believe that no person is ever completely to blame, everyone is responsible for their own actions and the words that come out of their mouth. Even if you didn’t have sex with your mate for many years, it’s never allright to cheat. It is your spouse’s responsibility as your husband to come to your first. We each have the ability to choose to do right or to commit error, and they chose the worst one.
This is where it would be healthy for you to do some reflecting. Were there signs of infidelity that I over looked? Did I choose to ignore it? You could look at their side forever, but you would be best served if you asked yourself some questions about you, like “What kind of person did I agree to marry?”? Probably a selfish person that you thought you could change. That is always a mistake. You can’t change someone. It doesn’t matter how hard you try. If someone is inherently selfish, they probably always will be. Make this a huge learning lesson in your life. Next time you are dating and trying to get to know someone, look for similar clues. Did they commit adultery before? If they are a lot like your ex, it’s probably not a good thing since you aren’t married anymore. Trust your instincts. If the person you’re with is intolerable, then YOU change, and then you move to the next good thing.