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Keep Your Cool
Going through a divorce can really stir up emotions like margaritas in a blender. But if you're going to be the best parent for your kids, you need to turn the blender off and learn how to keep your cool.
In the first few years of being divorced, we find that our emotions go through huge vacillations. One minute you’re a calm, kind loving parent - maybe a little overindulgent - and the next minute you have no patience or tolerance for the kids you truly love because now you’re irritated. It’s a huge flip flop, and it’s probably something you ought to consider getting under control, because while it might be normal, in the end it isn’t productive for either you or your children. You only get one chance to raise them right.
Stress can cause us to act in ways that don’t make us proud. The first thing that you need to remember is that losing your temper with your children just makes the situation worse. Your children feel the pressure as well, and I’ll just bet they misbehave more now than normally. If you can step outside of yourself for a moment and look at what you are actually losing your temper about, you would probably find it to not be such a big deal.
The trick is to take some time everyday to take a breath. In fact, take some deep breaths. It may seem like very generic advice, but it actually works. If you find yourself starting to lose it, walk away and breathe. Evaluate what is actually so terrible at the present moment. Probably nothing is all that bad.
When you lose your cool, you end up feeling guilty, and that just ends up in a downward spiral on the road to other bad decisions regarding your children. You can really make a difference in your own life if you try to make it a daily goal to not yell. You will be able to think more clearly about what is going on and make better decisions. Discipline will also be more effective if you don’t lose your cool.
If you’re divorced and times are tough, it’s a challenge to keep your mind clear and focused; and if you lose your temper, you just make this worse. Don’t be one of those people. This does neither you nor your kids any good. Think clearly and emotion free. Be objective not subjective.
What advice would you yourself give a friend that was going through the same situation that you are going through? You already have the answers; it’s just hard to find them alone when your feelings are all stirred up. If you can dig deeply to discover more confidence, you’ll be better prepared to embrace calmly whatever comes your way.