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Listening With Complete Attention To Your Kids
Listening to your children is one of the most important tasks as a divorced parent. It's not always easy due to your very full plate. Here are some great ideas to help you focus on your kids.
I know what overwhelm feels like. In the early days of my divorce, overwhelm and fear were my constant companions. I was very lucky though, that I never let these feelings get in the way of my accomplishing my biggest task to date - the raising of my daughters. They were my number one priority and I’m so glad I made them such a priority, because they are now lovely, successful, productive young women and I’m proud and happy of the job I did as their dad.
How do you accomplish this ultra important task? The number one very best way is to provide your children with your undivided attention. Oh, I know, it was hard not to be off in la-la land with the boys playing poker and smoking cigars, but when my girls wanted my attention, they were my number one priority and they got my attention. It was too darn bad if I wanted to step away from parenting and watch the daily news show. I had them; I got a divorce; they were my priority so they got my attention.
It’s a proud moment when a soldier gets a medal for some element of bravery or honor, but as a single parent, you should be awarded medals throughout your day. When you selflessly set aside your own desires, and you stop what you’d prefer to be doing to focus your complete attention on your child, it’s medal time! I always felt privileged to provide nurturing for my daughters - and sometimes the need was enormous - because my girls were a delictible commodity. I think that parenting is a sacred trust and should be dignified with your full attention. Stay-at-home moms and dads are the Executive Directors of the souls and minds of our nation’s incubators. They are the accomplishers of gargantuan tasks.
Well, you might not have the privilege of staying at home. You might have to be out in the work place. That doesn’t mean your kids play second fiddle. They don’t play second fiddle to anything you want to do. They must come first, or the bruises of your inattention will show in society. When a plant suffers from inattention, it dies. Think about how inattention touches your kids, and resolve today that they will get your complete attention.
My Virtual Assistant told me the story of how she accomplished attention with her sons. They got her complete attention up until the time when they went to bed for the night. After that, it was “her time” and they could no longer make requests of her unless they were ill. It took a while for the “Mommy, I want a drink of water” comments to stop because she just told them “I have given you my entire day. This is my time now.” It was good for her to set these boundaries.
Children blossom just like plants that get full sun, plenty of food and water via your attention. They are worth all the effort it takes. Once your focus becomes “them,” your overwhelm, stress and fear from the divorce will all disappear.