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Coaching Skills Training: How To Cope If Coaching Uncovers Problems With Sexuality
A coaching conversation at work can often take an unexpected turn and unveil a deeper concern. Managers are advised to become familar with the basics of psychology in order to spot signs of probelms that coaching may not reach. This article considers matters of sexuality
“Respect the power of coaching questions” is one of the first learning points that I cover with the managers I train as coaches. I go on to explain that they must recognize the possibility that what starts as coaching around a simple, work related issue, may lead to the unveiling of a more significant problem. In my view, coaching managers should develop at least a little psychological awareness.Consider for example, society’s changing attitudes and practices with regard to sexual activity.
Let’s firstly examine the thoughts and ideas of some of the first researchers and writers in this field.
Havelock Ellis, working in the Victorian era, wrote mainly concerning the need to understand the sex lives of ‘normal’ people, as opposed to so called deviants. Another well known writer around this time was Sigmunf Freud. His theories on human sexuality are still popular today although they have always been surrounded by controversy.
Alfred Kinsey is credited with bringing scientific research methods and objectivity to the field, whilst the groundbreaking work of Masters and Johnston in the 1970’s precipitated the birth of the sex therapy industry.
Let’s now consider some of the more common sexual practices that are often labelled ‘abnormal’:
Transsexualism
It is important to note that transsexuals do not simply seek gratification by dressing like the opposite sex (transvestism); they truly believe that they are, in fact, members of this opposite sex quite literally trapped in the wrong body.
Paedophilia
Predominantly male, and generally attracted to the opposite sex, paedophiles desire sexual gratification with a prepubescent child. Of all the sexual deviancies, paedophilia is understandably the most widely condemned because the ‘between consenting adults’ argument can never be made.
Sadism & Masochism
Sadists enjoy domination and achieve sexual arousal through inflicting real pain on their partner, who may or may not submit willingly to it, whereas masochists enjoy submissiveness and often enjoy being humiliated and hurt by their sexual partners.
Fetishism
A fetish is a sexual obsession with inanimate objects, typically female clothing, and fetishists can become aroused by the seemingly bizarre. Consider the real-life case of a man arrested after being discovered trying to make love to a paving stone.
There is also:
Transvestism, i.e. cross dressing, Exhibitionism, commonly known as ‘flashing’ and Voyeurism, i.e. being a peeping tom
With the obvious exception of Paedophilia, society’s attitudes towards these practices are softening as long as no real harm comes to people who would prefer not to be involved. As I write, there is a television programme featuring a team of dating experts trying to assist a gay man in finding a relationship. Perhaps as little as 5 years ago such a programme would not have been made.
What then do we do If our coaching uncovers signs that these considerations may be causing problems at work? Best advice would seem to be to keep to good coaching principles. Ask questions designed to raise awareness, generate responsibility and build trust then listen carefully and attentively to the responses. This is highly unlikely to make things worse and may actually do quite a lot of good.
Thereafter, it would be best to refer the coachee for appropraite professional support. For this reason I recommend that all coaching managers familiarize themselves with their organization’s welfare procedure.