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How To Avoid The Date With Itchy Fingers
My friend Violet recently met a guy on Match. The two of them had a lot in common, namely a love of camping and a fear of blue-colored foods. Combine this with the fact that she had been online for almost a year, so she was pretty comfortable doing the "almost-blind-date" thing after only few e-mails.
My friend Violet recently met a guy on Match. The two of them had a lot in common, namely a love of camping and a fear of blue-colored foods. Combine this with the fact that she had been online for almost a year, so she was pretty comfortable doing the “almost-blind-date” thing after only few e-mails.
“I met him in the bar of the new sushi restaurant downtown, and before we’d even sat down for dinner he went in for a kiss,” Violet said. “I turned my face so he only got my cheek, but I was like ‘hello, can I at least have a drink first?’”
Violet and I agree that men like this are creepy, not to mention desperate, misunderstood, or maybe just unable to decipher social cues. As Violet tried to laugh off the kiss, he reached for her hand. She pulled away only for him to put his arm around her shoulders.
As far as I know footsy is a tool screenwriters use to create sexual tension among their characters. But once Violet sat down for dinner, her date promptly took off his right shoe and tried to play footsy. I can’t believe people really do this.
Anyhow, Violet’s response was to scowl. She has what should be a patented scowl, one that I’ve never been able to duplicate. It’s a mixture of shock, disgust, frustration, and disapproval. I wish I could describe it better, but I’m unable to find words for the way she contorts and scrunches her facial muscles along with the way she drops her head to look at you from the corner of her eyes. It’s a talent only she possesses and a message her date should have received immediately.
“I asked him flat out, ‘don’t you know how to behave on a date? What is your problem?’” Violet explained. “At this point there were so many problems with him. The fact that he was flirting with me like men do in soft-porn wasn’t as bad as the fact that I scowled at him and he didn’t get it.”
Again the guy just laughed and responded by grabbing her hands across the table saying, “don’t you know what its like to have someone come on to you?”
He ran his ten fingers across hers as Violet said, “I don’t like it. Why are you still touching me, do you have itchy finger tips or something?”
Her decision to stay and struggle through dinner was for woman-kind everywhere. Maybe by talking to this man she could show him just how poorly he was behaving. But based on the next day’s match.com follow-up e-mail, she failed. He said he enjoyed their date and looked forward to kissing her voluptuous lips and holding her hands for real, “just like grown-ups do.”
Whatever “like grown-ups do” is supposed to mean I don’t know, but it sounds dirty. Violet wrote: “Do me a favor, please keep your shoes on when you’re in public, always. And hey, I will not be seeing you again.”
I couldn’t have said it better. Violet, well done. Here is a recap for those of you out there that find yourself on a date with an itchy-fingered man:
Joke about how affectionate he is Dirty looks work Ask if he has a problem Point out his dating faux pas Follow up in an e-mail telling him what bothered you