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Language Alert! Help Your Kids To Be Positive
'I was upbeat when I went into the classroom. But it didn't last long!'
‘I was upbeat when I went into the classroom. But it didn’t last long!’
These were the comments of a student, not a teacher! And they came just before a vital exam, one she needed to pass to ensure a place at college. Success was important to her, so she’d made sure she was prepared, both intellectually and emotionally.
Then she blew it. She walked into the classroom where students were gathering before going to the exam hall, and allowed herself to be influenced by them.
She told me later that the place was charged with negative energy. Some students were sitting around with glum faces, while others were fidgeting and pacing nervously. And the air was full of comments like: ‘Who else is going to fail? I know I am!’ ‘This ain’t gonna be easy, that’s for sure.’ ‘I could do with another month to prepare.’ ‘I’m in BIG trouble!’
So it went on. And the girl in question allowed herself to be sucked under. She reported a feeling of nausea as the confidence drained from her.
Fortunately, she passed the exam, but she and her family and teachers were disappointed that she never gained the high grade expected of her.
They say we can learn from our mistakes, and she learned two vital lessons from that experience: * The constant use of negative words leads to negative results in life * We all need to be on our guard so that we don’t allow the negativity of others to knock us off course.
Our experience in any situation is largely influenced by our attitude to it, (i.e. the way we FEEL, the way we react emotionally to the situation).
Our attitude is affected by our thoughts, our thoughts affect our language, and our thoughts are in turn affected BY our language.
And it’s not only our own language we must watch! As mentioned above, if we allow them to, other people’s words can have a bad effect on us. In my country (the UK) teachers and parents are quite used to hearing students claim to be ‘stuck’ when they’re at their school or homework. They’ve come up against some challenging material and need to find a way forward.
Parents often refer the matter to the teacher - which is fair enough, as they are there to help.
But we need to look more closely at the words ‘I’m stuck’.
How does the brain react to such language?
As a teacher, I’ve experimented with this many times - and the results are always the same! Whenever I hear someone say ‘I’m stuck’ I usually say, ‘Right, I’ll be with you shortly.’ And I leave them to it.
Other kids will say ‘Can you help me, please?’ and I’ll give them the same reply.
Now, without fail, the students who were ‘stuck’ sit and vegetate until the teacher comes over. After all, they’ve given their brains a message: ‘Down tools! There’s nothing more we can do right now.’
Yet the students who saw themselves as ‘needing help’ have sent their brains a different message: ‘No time for a rest, help is on the way!’ So they keep working.
That’s the influence of language!
Perhaps I should add at this point that I only hear ‘I’m stuck!’ in new classes. My students soon learn that they are not trees, so they can’t be stuck!
Some may think this is a denial of reality. But since our language can affect our INTERPRETATION of reality, why not put it to good use, rather than create ‘problems’?
How many times have you heard someone say they’d like to write a book? I hear it all the time. On one occasion the person followed up with ‘but I don’t expect I will.’
She wasn’t pleased at my reply: ‘No, I don’t think you ever will.’
But we went on to talk about the effect of negative words and she appreciated where she was going wrong. Remember Henry Ford? ‘If you think you can’t - you’re right!’
What, then, can parents do to help not only their children’s schooling but their life skills?
Help them be aware of the language they use, and demonstrate what we mean by keeping our own words positive. They’ll soon pick up that ‘Science is too hard!’ will only make it more challenging for them.
’I need to work at it’ will make it easier to do just that!
So far, so good. But what about the negative language of others, which can so easily throw our kids off guard?
The following may sound far-fetched, but I can assure you it works!
The best thing to do when you come up against negative language or gestures is to remove yourself. But if that’s not possible, imagine you’re inside a huge bubble or jar, which moves around with you.
Imagine now that your positive language can go out to others and do them good - but their negative comments and behaviour are neatly blocked by your armour, so you are safe.
Try it. It works . . .
Happy parenting!