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The Martian's Guide To American Politics
I'm being silly, but indulge me here as I veer off into the realm of fantasy. Not *that* kind of fantasy, but the world from a martian's perspective.
I’m being silly, but indulge me here as I veer off into the realm of fantasy. Not *that* kind of fantasy, but the world from a martian’s perspective.
Say we’re explorers from Mars sent to Washington D.C., in human form, in the year 2007.
As explorers, or anthropologists, what would be our conclusions about the American political system?
There’s blue and red, there’s elephants and donkeys. These represent the “two sides”.
There are also a few fringe sects, marginalized by the craziness of their philosophies, who angrily disagree with both the reds and the blues.
The people are given two options because three or four options would confuse them. The fringe candidates/parties aren’t allowed to compete with various reasons given why they should not be allowed.
So while these sides may appear to vehemently dislike each other, they are sort of in cahoots to keep numbers three, four, or five out of the running. Common ground.
Oh, and it gets better…
They have an even bigger common enemy: the media. The media supposedly reports the activities of both sides so they make more money from advertisers.
’The Media’ claims to be unbiased, but it isn’t true. They are loyal to whomever is in power and whomever owns the media outlet.
So aside from the fringe candidates and the media, these two groups have even more exciting and titillating enemies in common.
Hookers (Louisiana Senator David Vitters, who while advocating abstinence-only sex education which excluded information on birth control and safe sex, was identified by two women, the DC Madam and the Canal Street Madam, as being a client - ironic hypocrisy);
The under aged boys (U.S. Representative Mark Foley had ironic hypocrisy with one of these in the form of a Congressional page. Where once he was known as a crusader against child abuse and exploitation, it turned out to be a cover);
Women. Boy are women ever a problem for politicians. There was this one incident, maybe ‘the media’ mentioned it once or twice. . . there was a young woman in a blue dress, an intern of some sort, and the president, Bill Clinton had a little thing for her. . .
Other noteworthy enemies include. . .
Closeted homosexuality. (There was that one guy Senator Larry Craig and his “misunderstanding” in the Minneapolis airport and let’s not forget New Jersey Democratic Governor Jim McGreevey. He likes men. Wow! Wouldn’t have been a problem if he weren’t in the closet.);
Extramarital affairs. The list is too long. And really, is this even an issue people care about anymore?
And women who don’t like being groped or harassed (The Terminator).
Miscellaneous enemies: crack cocaine, voter fraud, blah, blah, blah.
Blue, red, elephant, donkey, they seem to want to make all the laws and then break them.
In our research as Martian anthropologists, we’d have to conclude that some form of perversion or criminal record is mandatory for political candidates.
We’d also have to conclude that the non-politicians, the ones who vote (or don’t vote), have such a short attention span that really, it doesn’t much matter. It’s football season and there’s a new season of “The Biggest Loser” and it’s back to school time and the kids need new backpacks. And before you know it, it’s the holidays again.
It helps to jump into the world of fantasy sometimes, to step back and look at the world from a different perspective. Much like putting a different frame on a situation, a different lens on life.
Try it with your life and your persuasion. See how it goes. Tell others about it, tell me about it on this blog. Create a discussion, invite your friends and colleagues to join the discussion here. Lord knows we need to step back from the craziness every once in a while and talk to each other intelligently about what we observe.