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The Top Ten Reasons I Hate Wine - One, The Unconscionable Expense

A humorous examination of the many problems faced by a wine lover who is not a wine snob and has a limited budget. Follow me through the top ten problems and my solution. These articles are best accompanied by a glass (or two) of your favorite red or white wine and some great food.

By Levi Reiss

Many of you may be familiar with my wine article series “I Love Italian Wine and Food, “ similar French and German series, and my travel articles that always manage to discuss local wine and food. It’s true; I really do love fine wine and food from Italy, France, Germany, and other countries as well. But I also hate wine and many unpleasant aspects of the wine scene. Let me explain my top ten reasons for this love-hate relationship.

The unconscionable expense. Don’t let anybody kid you. Good wine is expensive. Great wine is of course even more expensive. There are surely bargains out there, but finding them is like kissing scads of frogs to find a prince. You have to kiss a lot of frogs (yechh) before you get to kiss a prince. Believe it or not, I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to kiss any princes.

I do, however, want to drink fine wine. And I find that the more fine wine I drink, the more fine wine I want to drink. Before I started writing wine reviews, twenty dollars was more or less my limit for a bottle; now I almost feel like apologizing when I spend less than twenty. Having tasted some excellent wines in the forty-dollar range, I am dying to know how sixty-dollar wines taste. Needless to say, some of them will be disappointing. But in some ways it is worse to find an excellent sixty-dollar wine. As much as I want to, I can’t spend sixty dollars a bottle on a regular basis.

My wife gave me her generous permission to buy a single one hundred dollar bottle of wine per year. Such a bottle will cost me at least two hundred dollars; my wife is not a wine lover, and in all fairness she will want a one hundred dollar item for herself. But that’s by no means the end of my wine expense problems. One of the most wine-savvy people I know recently described the pleasures of a $600 bottle of Chateau Petrus; a top of the line French red wine. I asked him if it was worth the money. His response was short and sweet, absolutely. I haven’t yet gotten near that price point, but…

Here are the other reasons:

The embarrassing lack of knowledge

No wine cellar

I can’t get the ...  bottle opened

The insomnia

Food problems

Wine snobs

Those smells and those tastes

Those colors

Home brew

One more problem and yes

The Solution

Levi Reiss has authored alone or with a co-author ten computer and Internet books, but to tell the truth, he would really rather just drink fine French, German, or other wine, accompanied by the right foods. He knows what dieting is, and is glad that for the time being he can eat and drink what he wants, in moderation. He teaches classes in computers at an Ontario French-language community college. Visit his new wine, diet, health, and nutrition website www.wineinyourdiet.com and his global wine website www.theworldwidewine.com.

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