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Parterapi (Couples Therapy) - Making Marriage Work Out.
In Denmark, the little country way up at the northern tip of Europe, separation and divorce are an everyday experience for huge segments of the population. Nearly 1 out of every 5 school children has two addresses and often 2 sets of parents, neighbors and local acquaintances.
In Denmark, the little country way up at the northern tip of Europe, separation and divorce are an everyday experience for huge segments of the population. Nearly 1 out of every 5 school children has two addresses and often 2 sets of parents, neighbors and local acquaintances.
No wonder, therefore, that Parterapi, the Danish word for couples therapy, is such a well known concept and the order of the day for so many Danish couples. Everyone is aware of the pain, frustration and waste of time, money and effort caused by a relationship gone wrong. And many work hard at trying to do something about it.
Here’s how it works: The couple meets with the therapist for one and half hours once a week or every 10 days, often after work. Another option is working in groups of 4-5 couples, usually with the presence of 2 therapists, one male, one female. Groups of couples meet and work, learning through practice and by watching other couples work, how to improve their own relationship. Usually, after 3-5 sessions, things start to change - often for the better.
Barring serious individual problems such as alcoholism, physical violence or drug abuse, the two issues most often addressed in Parterapi are awareness and communication. Without sufficiently developed awareness of what we do, how we do it and the consequences that result from what we do, we will often make inadequate, inappropriate or even destructive choices. In Parterapi these issues are brought to the foreground and our actions and intentions are made explicit. Choices become conscious decisions about what we want to do and how we want to do it in a given situation.
Awareness training may include learning how to pay attention to signals from our body such as sweating, blushing, breathing, increased heartbeat or to particular behavior patterns e.g. silence, workaholism. Many people find it quite surprising to chart their behaviors and to find underlying patterns to which they have been oblivious or which they didn’t understand.
Training and practice in communication involves many, often small, highly effective changes in the way we listen, the way we interpret and the way we respond to each other’s verbal and non-verbal messages. One example is learning proper use of the personal pronoun - learning to say “I feel that...”, “I agree...” instead of “One gets the feeling...”, “It’s agreed then...”. Avoiding the word “I” can often be a sign of trying to avoid responsibility or of fearing consequences. Practice in using “I” where it is appropriate helps to sharpen and facilitate communication and increase its effectiveness.