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You Can Fake It If You Want. I Want A Better Orgasm!
Ms Germaine Greer espoused the view in her book and in newspaper articles that women should fake orgasm to boost the confidence of their men! In an age where women are bombarded with tips on how to improve their sex lives and achieve orgasm at the touch of 'the button' (sic) it is astonishing that an estimated 9 out of 10 women have never had a vaginal orgasm. And the simple reason is that they do not associate pelvic floor exercises with achieving more frequent orgasms of greater intensity.
Response to an article by Germaine Greer in The Times, Body & Soul supplement, Sept 2006, suggesting that women should just fake orgasms to satisfy the ego of their partner!
Dear Ms Greer, You can fake it if you want – but I want a better orgasm!
Germaine Greer’s article (16 Sept) on the female orgasm was erudite and entertaining as usual. But this time her writing left me feeling frustrated that someone in such a position of influence can be so dismissive of a subject that causes so much worry and concern to so many women. Why should we dismiss the female orgasm and how dare she suggest that women should just lie back and fake it. Come on Germaine, think positive!
Ms Greer is correct that the media, at least, are obsessed with the female orgasm. It is impossible to pick up even a quality glossy magazine without being confronted with one article or another demonstrating “20 ways to get a better orgasm” or “How to tell your man what turns you on!”
But beneath the façade of polite society there is turmoil. I talk to so many women who are frustrated with their own inability to achieve an orgasm that I have set myself a mission discover the truth and pass it on to women everywhere. To make them more aware of their bodies and to help them do something positive to help themselves.
Talk to any sex and relationship therapist, such as Suzi Godson, and you will discover that one of the main causes of relationship breakdown is an ‘inadequate’ sex life – for one or both partners. And much of this feeling of inadequacy arises because individuals do not feel that they can live up to the standards and expectations promulgated in the media. In short, that they are unable to have great earth-moving orgasms, or in the case of considerate men, to give their partner that experience.
We all know that there are many couples with deep and meaningful relationships. But good male lovers with the experience, the time and the touch to consistently give their partners want they want are very few and far between. Ms Greer summed it up when she said that many men think that the mere sight of their penis should be enough to give a woman an orgasm. This ‘sighting’ obviously ties in with the fact that the average sex act lasts 7.3 minutes! (http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,8124-1687113,00.html).
The female orgasm has been the subject of scientific research for many years and orgasm during coital sex is still barely understood and even treated as a myth. Thanks to the Rabbit et al, many women can now amuse themselves and I am sure their lives are the better for it. We no longer have women with ‘hysteria’ going to their doctor to be relieved.
Ms Greer also alludes to the debate about the relative merits of clitoral and vaginal orgasms but fails to point out that the rise in the clitoral orgasm is down to one thing and one thing alone. It is easier for the woman or her partner to find and stimulate the clitoris. Again, reading the magazines would suggest that many women, and most men, still need a diagram and compass.
The vaginal orgasm is elusive and research in the late 70’s indicated that perhaps only 10% of women can achieve coital orgasm. (“Female Orgasm: Role of Pubococcygeus Muscles” Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, 40, pp. 348-351, 1979).
However, research published in 1952 not only gave a very simple explanation for the problem, but it also offered an even simpler solution. Unfortunately this solution has been universally ignored by the medical profession and those who offer solace to women who believe they are sexually dysfunctional. Certainly the pharmaceutical companies would rather spend their money defining a ‘medical’ condition so that they can profit from a female Viagra. (http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,8122-2128371,00.html)
And to whom do we owe a debt of gratitude for the explanation and discovery? None other than dear old Arnold Kegel, the inventor of the eponymous pelvic floor exercises.
“Observations in [more than 3,000 women,] both parous and nulliparous..., ranging in age from 16 to 74 years, have led to the conclusion that sexual feeling within the vagina is closely related to muscle tone, and can be improved through muscle education and resistive exercise.” “78 of 123 women complaining explicitly of sexual deficits achieved orgasm following the training”. Arnold H. Kegel “Sexual Functions of the Pubococcygeus Muscle “Western Journal of Surgery, Obstetrics & Gynecology, 60, pp. 521-524, 1952
The question is not “How can something as simple as pelvic floor exercises help improve the sexual experience?” but “Why has no-one explained this to women for over 50 years and why do the medical profession continue to teach (in the loosest sense of the word) a form of exercise that is neither effective or productive?”
Thanks to Kegel, pelvic floor exercises are not new. They are the preferred preliminary course of treatment for stress incontinence, a condition that costs the NHS £500M per year, and can cure or improve 80% of suitable cases.
However, a physiotherapist writing in the Continence Foundation Review 2000 summed it up when she said that 50 years after Kegel’s research:
— The exercises are taught incorrectly
— Verbal instruction only is given with the result that many squeeze the wrong muscles which may be doing more damage rather than improving matters
— There is no biofeedback for the patient and there is no means to progress the exercises as the woman’s muscle tone improves.
— They are performed for only a short period of time instead of daily for 3 -6 months.
Two years later nothing had changed:
— Women are often unaware of the link between childbirth and incontinence and starting exercises early may prevent problems after birth
— Pelvic floor exercises are often poorly taught and ineffectively carried out
— Clinical studies revealed that 25% of women indicated their sex lives were adversely affected by post-natal incontinence Practice Nurse April 2002
Fortunately there are people who understand the problem. Several times Suzi Godson, in her Body & Soul columns, has mentioned a product called the PelvicToner. This simple registered medical device meets all the requirements that Arnold Kegel saw as necessary to exercise correctly.
Talking about the PelvicToner, GP and sexual health expert, Dr Sarah Brewer, said: “Dr Arnold Kegel reported a landmark study in 1952 linking sexual satisfaction for women and the muscle tone of their pelvic floor. In many ways, we have failed women ever since by not telling them how to do these exercises correctly. The secret – as identified by Kegel – is to improve muscle tone by exercising against resistance.
“People understand that to improve muscle it’s no good just lifting our arms in the air – no matter how many repetitions we do. We have to introduce some form of resistance to get good results, and it’s the same with pelvic floor exercise. Encouraging women to squeeze repeatedly when sat on the bus or to use devices that do not offer resistance, means many women are wasting their time and increasing their sense of frustration.”
“Strengthening the female pelvic floor muscles tightens the vaginal embrace, increasing friction and pleasure during love-making, which benefits both partners. Clinical research shows the PelvicToner increases the strength of pelvic floor exercises by 28%, and improves resting pelvic muscle tone by almost 10%. As a result, four out of five women reported increased sexual satisfaction.”
Compared to the ineffective exercises recommended by the current system the improvements experienced with the PelvicToner are incredible. In a recent survey 41% of respondents said they became more aware of their pelvic floor after just a week, 98% after 4 weeks. 86% reported better bladder control after 4 weeks and 80% an improved sex life.
Because of the almost immediate sense of achievement there is more incentive and motivation to continue with the exercises on a regular basis.
I spoke to Allie Crowley, 36, from Colchester, Essex. She said that the PelvicToner had changed her life. She had endured a series of health problems that had left her unable to have an orgasm.
“I was beginning to despair that I would ever reach those heights again. It was as if I had lost the connections between my brain and my sexual organs – there was no sensation. I felt a failure to my partner, who was a terrific lover.”
After pregnancy, childbirth and the health problems had left her pelvic floor muscles weakened; Allie thought strengthening the muscles might help.
“I found a device called the Pelvic Toner on the internet. I used it for less than ten minutes a night and after a week the results were amazing. Not only can I achieve orgasm again but now it is incredibly more satisfying. My partner has certainly noticed the improvement as well. The emotional benefits for us as a couple are immeasurable.”
So, there is life at the end of the tunnel, and that is not intended as a pun. Tunnel, bucket, sack are words frequently used by women to describe how they feel during sex. A lack of sensation is bad enough. The feeling of helplessness is intolerable.
I want all women to celebrate their bodies and to live for the sensation, the excitement and the intense feeling of freedom and relief that comes with great sex.
I want women to rediscover their pelvic floor and learn how to achieve a better orgasm.
The first step is to log onto the website www.iwantabetterorgasm.co.uk
Then I want them to shout aloud to world and spread the word.
Thank you Ms Greer for firing me up so much that I finally got my thoughts down on paper.
Brenda Foster